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Thursday, November 30, 2006
The Laziest Man in Hollywood
I like this one ok, but I wasted some time trying to figure out how to stretch it. It's a very simple idea that's pretty funny in and of itself, but it didn't lend itself to much length. This could work, trimmed down a little, as part of a weekend update sketch.

Announcer. "Good afternoon. For a long time we have heard James Brown claiming to be the hardest working man in show business, and we have no reason to doubt him. But if he's the hardest working man in show business, the question presents itself - who is the laziest working man in show business? We considered hundreds of musicians, singers, artists, actors, directors, dancers and grips to find the laziest man in show business. After considering dozens, we have settled on Sir Charles Spencer Chaplin, Jr., better known as Charlie Chaplin, the lovable tramp. (Short clip from Modern Times or The Great dictator).

(Scene shoots to graveyard). "Yes, since 1977 Mr. Chaplin has not entertained a single person. Compare that to Elvis Presley, who also died in 1977, but who continues to personally appear to fans and in limited engagements.

(Scene in park with a Chaplin impersonator) "In contrast, Charlie Chaplin relies solely his many impersonators. Yes, some of you might believe that this is Charlie Chaplin, but it is not. In fact this is Milton Marstoff who, 5 days a week, works as a claims adjustor. But, to make ends meet, on the weekends and for parties, he puts on this outfit, adjusts his little mustache, and puts on a show. And yet Mr. Marstoff has never even met Charlie Chaplin, who seems to think it beneath him to meet with a double. And, frankly, Mr. Marstoff could really use some tips. His delivery is hackneyed and weak, and his double takes more like 1.2 takes.

(Back to standing set) "The use of doubles is nothing new. Tom Hanks hasn't performed in public or on film since 1993 (shots of Tom Hanks, natch). But Mr. Hanks keeps in constant contact with his double, a Mister Jacob Lyster, and has taken him to eat at Red Lobster on more than one occasion. Charlie Chaplin takes no such pains, but simply stays in his coffin.

(back at graveyard). "In fact Mr. Chaplin even refused to appear in this segment honoring him, prefering the icy embrace of death to a moment of publicity. Charlie Chaplin is truely a great actor and a brilliant director. He is a transcendent comedian. But he is also the laziest man in Hollywood!"
posted by Bryant @ 6:53 PM  

This website does three things

1. I will on a weekly or bi-weekly basis present comedic sketches I have written. Your mileage may vary.

2. I will also be cooking and reporting on recipes I make from the many cookbooks I have. I will be starting with a book of appetizer recipes and moving up from that. I will be reporting here rather than cooking.

3. I also think I will write the occasional feature on comedy or on things I find funny.

If I can I will also provide a weekend radio station of sorts. We'll have to see how that goes.

The title of this blog comes from a song by Simple Minds called "70 Cities as Love Brings the Fall." It is off of an album called Sons and Fascination. Ironically Sons and Fascination was doubled packed with an album called Sister Feelings Call, and I thought, making this site, that the song was from that album. I was, as it turns out, mistaken. The color scheme for this website is taken from Sister Feelings Call, though, and since I think it's a better scheme I don't plan on changing it.

About Me

Name: Bryant
Home: Nowhereville, Denial, United States
About Me: Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. Well that's not strictly true.
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