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Thursday, April 12, 2007
This is a humble sketch; brief, basically one joke, in and out. I wanted to make it longer, but couldn't make it longer without stretching the rather simple (and probably banal) idea long enough that the joke would get lost.

- (dude walks into the room, whistling or humming, guy looks up annoyed) "What are you so happy about?"

Dude - (sits down on the couch) "I got the world's greatest idea today. Gonna make me a mint!"

Guy - "Oh?" (Smirks)

Dude - "Get this. Footless Shoe Stores."

Guy - "Footless."

Dude - "Right."

Guy - "Shoe Stores."

Dude - "Right. It's brilliant."

Guy - "Targeting a pretty small demographic there, aren't you?"

Dude - "What do you mean?"

Guy - "Well the percentage of footless people who need shoes has to be . . . well, none?"

Dude - "It's not for footless people. It's for people who have less on their feet."

Guy - "Oh."

Dude - "It'd be stupid to sell shoes to footless people."

Guy - "I guess I can't argue with that."

Dude - "I want to sell shoes to people who have less on their feet. Maybe I should go with Feetless Shoe Stores."

Guy - "Wouldn't you have the same problem?"

Dude - "Nah - nobody talks about feetless people. It's not even a real word."

Guy - "But it sounds just like footless - people are going to assume."

Dude - "See you are thinking that way because you already have the term footless in your brain - you are connecting the two - but the two really have nothing in common."

Guy - "I don't know - footless, feetless. They sound the same thing."

Dude - "But they aren't. They are totally different. Footless means guys who have no feet. Feetless means guys who have less on their feet."

Guy - "I don't think that's how it works."

Dude - "Look I just made the word feetless up. It can mean whatever I want it to mean!"

Guy - "It doesn't work that way. Footless and feetless even look the same - you put it up on a billboard people driving up are going to see the round e's and assume they are o's"

Dude - "I won't put it on a billboard; who said anything about billboards."

Guy - "And anyway I don't see how this is gong to be a million dollar idea. There's already footlocker and payless and a million shoe stores."

Dude - "This is totally different. I'm going to have a cappuccino machine."

Guy - "Oh - for the customers?"

Dude - "No."

Guy - "Than why would you want a cappuccino machine."

Dude - "Have you ever had a cappuccino? They're delicious. Best coffee in the world."

Guy - "I guess what I'm having a hard time seeing is how you having a cappuccino is going to make this shoe store successful."

Dude - "I'll be happy right. A happy employee is a productive employee."

Guy - "Yeah but you'll be the employer."

Dude - "What?"

Guy - "It'll be your shoe shop right? You'll be running it - as the boss."

Dude - "Well it's probably the same."

Guy - "I don't think so. Nobody ever says a happy employer is a productive employer."

Dude - "I don't see why it wouldn't be the same."

Guy - "The only way it's the same is if the boss is ripping off the company. But everybody is happy ripping off the company. Those guys at Enron were practically ecstatic until they went to jail."

Dude - "Well those guys just got greedy. When I rip off the company I'll be much more discrete than those guys."

Guy - "So you are planning on ripping the shoe store off."

Dude - "Well yeah. But not much. I won't get too greedy."

Guy - "And who's going to own the shoe store again?"

Dude - "I am."

Guy - "Well it is comforting, I suppose, to know that you don't intend to steal that much from yourself. I guess that cappuccino machine really will come in handy."

Dude - (satisfied smile) "Yeah. Wait, why?"

Guy - "Well when you are ripping yourself off you won't want to drive yourself out of business and lose the cappuccino machine."

Dude - "I'm not going to rip myself out."

Guy - "Think it through for a moment."

Dude - "Oh. Well I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. But don't forget about my killer name."

Guy - "Yeah. All the feetless guys in town will come in. You'll corner the market."

Dude - (slumps down on the couch) "Damn. I really wanted a cappuccino machine."
posted by Bryant @ 3:43 PM  

This website does three things

1. I will on a weekly or bi-weekly basis present comedic sketches I have written. Your mileage may vary.

2. I will also be cooking and reporting on recipes I make from the many cookbooks I have. I will be starting with a book of appetizer recipes and moving up from that. I will be reporting here rather than cooking.

3. I also think I will write the occasional feature on comedy or on things I find funny.

If I can I will also provide a weekend radio station of sorts. We'll have to see how that goes.

The title of this blog comes from a song by Simple Minds called "70 Cities as Love Brings the Fall." It is off of an album called Sons and Fascination. Ironically Sons and Fascination was doubled packed with an album called Sister Feelings Call, and I thought, making this site, that the song was from that album. I was, as it turns out, mistaken. The color scheme for this website is taken from Sister Feelings Call, though, and since I think it's a better scheme I don't plan on changing it.

About Me

Name: Bryant
Home: Nowhereville, Denial, United States
About Me: Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. Well that's not strictly true.
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