| Tuesday, April 03, 2007
| Costume Shop Sketch
|I'm not entirely confident in this sketch; I don't think I nailed it. But there are some funny lines.
(Back doors in a costume shop. Joe is sitting reading the paper, Mike walks in.)
Joe: (looks up) "Sup?"
Mike: (Walks over to costume rack, and fiddles with it) "Josephine called in sick."
Joe: (looking back at his paper) "That sucks. Wasn't it her night to do the street corner thing?"
Mike: "Yep Looks like we will need a back up."
Joe: (very intently looking at his paper) "Who's doing it?"
Mike: "Take a guess."
Joe: (folding down paper aggressively) "Come on man. I did it Tuesday. I hate wearing a costume."
Mike: "It brings customers. We need customers."
Joe: "Sammy said that somebody threw a beer bottle at her on Saturday."
Mike: "So drunken frat boys are nothing new, and she shouldn't have been out there that late. I told her that it's over when the sun starts going down."
Joe: "Yeah yeah yeah. You also say we gotta stay out there till we get 25 sign ups."
Mike: "So do that before the sun goes down."
Joe: "So what am I wearing?"
Mike: (turns around with a snow white costume (or something else suitably girly)), "Well this is what Josephine was going to wear."
Joe: (I shouldn't have to tell you to put in a reaction beat here) "Oh hell no."
Mike: "It's a big seller. Girls of all ages want to be princesses."
Joe: "You think seeing me in that costume is going to inspire them?"
Mike: "Look we are in the illusion business. The type of people who buy costumes, they are imaginative. A girl sees you in this and she'll imagine herself in it."
Joe: "There's not enough imagination in the world."
Mike: "Sure there is."
Joe: "What about the Gorilla suit?"
Mike: "You hate the Gorilla suit. You are always complaining about how itchy it is."
Joe: "I"d rather be itchy than wear that."
Mike: "You'd rather be an itchy gorilla than a woman? (pause) What's wrong with women?"
Joe: "Nothings wrong with women. Women are great."
Mike: "You just think it would be embarrassing to be one?"
Joe: "I just . . . I wouldn't make a very good one."
Mike: "You think that Sammy looks good in the Wall Street costume?"
Joe: (thinks a moment) "Damn good actually. She's got that whole Dietrich in pinstripes thing going for her."
Mike: "Bad example. What about when Joe wears the gorilla suit."
Joe: "Nobody looks good in a gorilla suit."
Mike: "I don't know. Maybe Trump would look good in one."
Joe: (laughing) "Could only be an improvement in his case. But he's exception that proves the rule."
Mike: "Well Joe dresses up as a cowboy sometimes too. There aren't any girl cowboys."
Joe: "I saw Gunslinger."
Mike: "The exception that proves the rule."
Joe: "Hey I just said that."
Joe: "Look it's just different. A Lady Cowboy looks sexy. A Guy Princess looks like a dink. That's just the way it is."
Mike: "So? Anyway, like I said, people who buy costumes will imagine themselves in them, not see you."
Joe: "No they won't. The image of a guy in that costume is too overwhelming." (Looking at the costume) "Can I even fit in this?"
Mike: "Sure. It's mad of some super stretchy space age fabric."
Joe: "We sure have a lot of stuff from the space age considering we've never been there."
Mike: "You've been looking at the internet again, haven't you?"
Joe: "There's this guy who says the Moon Landing was faked in an abandoned Orange Warehouse in central Florida. Had pictures of everything?"
Mike: "Pictures eh? What did it look like."
Joe: "Well an orange warehouse. He didn't get inside."
Mike: (shakes head) "Whatever. This is your job today. Get out there and princess it up."
Joe: "Look this isn't going to sell costumes."
Mike: "You'll get eyeballs. Eyeballs are important"
Joe: "I don't want eyeballs when I'm wearing this outfit."
Mike: "Eyeballs are always good. There's no such thing as bad publicity."
Joe: "You got any other cliches you want to spring on me? I guess I'm lucky you aren't ripping off my lines."
Mike: "Look it's true."
Joe: "A penny earned is a penny saved, maybe?"
Mike:"It goes the other way."
Joe: "What a coincidence. I'm going the other way too!"
Mike: "Oh no you're not. You have a job to do Mister."
Joe: "And yet somehow here I go. I guess a stitch in Time really does make nine."
Mike: "What does that that have to do with anything; you're not making any sense."
Joe: (walking out) "And yet you can't teach an old dog new trips."
Mike: "I didn't want to have to do this, but you know we got a camera in here right?"
Joe: (turns around) "What?"
Mike: (folds arms) "Let's just say I don't have any worries about the costume fitting you."
Joe: "Damn. That's just cold."
Mike: "What was that, Princess?"
Joe: (takes the costume) "Not a word."
Mike: "Of course not, beautiful." (Walks out).
Joe: (shakes head). "Damn Video Cameras." (Looks around) "Hey, wait, there aren't any video cameras!" (Exits speedily).
|posted by Bryant @ 4:14 PM
This website does three things
1. I will on a weekly or bi-weekly basis present comedic sketches I have written. Your mileage may vary.
2. I will also be cooking and reporting on recipes I make from the many cookbooks I have. I will be starting with a book of appetizer recipes and moving up from that. I will be reporting here rather than cooking.
3. I also think I will write the occasional feature on comedy or on things I find funny.
If I can I will also provide a weekend radio station of sorts. We'll have to see how that goes.
The title of this blog comes from a song by Simple Minds called "70 Cities as Love Brings the Fall." It is off of an album called Sons and Fascination. Ironically Sons and Fascination was doubled packed with an album called Sister Feelings Call, and I thought, making this site, that the song was from that album. I was, as it turns out, mistaken. The color scheme for this website is taken from Sister Feelings Call, though, and since I think it's a better scheme I don't plan on changing it.