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Tuesday, April 24, 2007
When Johnny Comes Marching Home
This one has had a difficult birthing; all I am going to say about it is be careful not to assume that either of these characters is saying things I agree with.

A dirt with a fence next to it. Johnny in a soldiers uniform comes marching along it, sitting on the fence is Billy.

Billy - (looking up and seeing Johnny looking all proud of himself says flatly) "Hurrah. Hurrah"

Johnny - (bright and sunshiny) "Hey Billy. You hear to lead me into the reception?"

Billy - "Nah Johnny. I am the reception." (Seeing his face) "You want me to Hurrah again?"

Johnny - "What are you talking about? I'm marching home."

Billy - (A little but not much more enthusiastic) "Hurrah Hurrah"

Johnny - "Where are the men and boys and ladies? The song says they will all turn out."

Billy - "Well we've been waiting a good long time Johnny. Nobody knew the war would go on for so long."

Johnny - "But it's such a great song. It should have reminded you."

Billy - "Oh yeah sure it did. I always liked the bit about how we'll all be gay when Johnny comes marching home again."

Johnny - "You don't look very gay."

Billy - (hopping off the fence) "I'm bursting with gayness. That's my job. I'm the designated hurrah-er"

Johnny - "What?"

Billy - "Well it's like this Johnny. We are all goddamned sick of that song. It was great back in the day, but now it just doesn't suit our needs. But the town felt we owed it to you to live up to it. So I get five pennies and a chicken every week to sit here and watch for you to come back."

Johnny - "So you can go and get the rest of the town?"

Billy - "Well early on, sure. But now they think that it's enough just to have me hurrah."

Johnny - "What?"

Billy - "Well there's the big corn dance next week, and frankly everybody is busy learning and playing the songs of Stephen Foster."

Johnny - "You are confusing me. Isn't this way supposed to be strewn with roses by the village lads and lasses."

Billy - "Um. They blew away?"

Johnny - "What? There's hardly a breeze."

Billy - "Honesty forces me to point out that they spread the roses a year and a half ago."

Johnny - "Well that's a waste isn't it. And what about my three times three."

Billy - "What?"

Johnny - "The song. You are supposed to give me three times three. It's in the third verse."

Billy - "I guess we never made it that far."

Johnny - "It's in the song. Listen." (Sings third verse of When Johnny Comes Marching Home).
Get ready for the Jubilee,
Hurrah! Hurrah!
We'll give the hero three times three,
Hurrah! Hurrah!
The laurel wreath is ready now
To place upon his loyal brow
And we'll all feel gay when Johnny comes marching home.
Billy - "I never heard that part."

Johnny - "Well were's my three times three."

Billy - "I don't know what that is - I don't know how to give that to you. Three times three what?"

Johnny - "Lasses?"

Billy - "If I had nine lasses I could probably give you one or two. To borrow. Alas, the life of a designated hurrah-er has not afforded me much time to court the lasses."

Johnny - "I've been away for three years. I nearly starved outside of Atlanta."

Billy - "Sounds rough."

Johnny - "I deserve more than just a few hurrahs."

Billy - (shrugs) "Yeah, probably."

Johnny - "I deserve a hero's return."

Billy - "You weren't a hero, Johnny. You were a soldier."

Johnny - "I was a hero."

Billy - "In order to be a hero people have to see you being heroic."

Johnny - "That's not true."

Billy - "Sure it is. Being a hero means being someone other people look up to you. But Johnny we just don't want to hear about you starving outside of Atlanta. Frankly it sounds depressing."

Johnny - "But that's why I went. I wanted to be a hero."

Billy - "Well that was stupid. You should have stayed here and got a cat out of a tree or something."

Johnny - "But . . . what do I do."

Billy - "Get a job or start a farm or something I guess. Don't bother trying to become the designated hurrah-er. I got that job sewed up." (Looks at Johnny kindly) "Come on. Let's get you back into town."

Johnny - (following Billy, saying plaintively) "Well what about my laurel wreath."

Billy - (shaking his head as they walk off stage) "Sorry mate. You were lucky to get the hurrahs."
posted by Bryant @ 4:05 PM  

This website does three things

1. I will on a weekly or bi-weekly basis present comedic sketches I have written. Your mileage may vary.

2. I will also be cooking and reporting on recipes I make from the many cookbooks I have. I will be starting with a book of appetizer recipes and moving up from that. I will be reporting here rather than cooking.

3. I also think I will write the occasional feature on comedy or on things I find funny.

If I can I will also provide a weekend radio station of sorts. We'll have to see how that goes.

The title of this blog comes from a song by Simple Minds called "70 Cities as Love Brings the Fall." It is off of an album called Sons and Fascination. Ironically Sons and Fascination was doubled packed with an album called Sister Feelings Call, and I thought, making this site, that the song was from that album. I was, as it turns out, mistaken. The color scheme for this website is taken from Sister Feelings Call, though, and since I think it's a better scheme I don't plan on changing it.

About Me

Name: Bryant
Home: Nowhereville, Denial, United States
About Me: Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. Well that's not strictly true.
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