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Monday, March 26, 2007
Building Contractors
This is a wierd sketch and one I'm not sure I'm 100% comfortable with. It's got some very funny lines, but I'm not exactly sure who I think I'm making fun of here. Still I love the suggestion that God watches sparrows fall because he's got obsessive-compulsive condition.

Two guys sitting on a girder eating lunch

Luis - "So Frankie you wanna go bowling this Sunday?"

Frankie - "Nah Im going to church."

Luis - "Hey hey hey I never figured you for no church boy."

Frankie - "Well I'm thinking ahead Luis. You seen those pictures of heaven?"

Luis - "Yeah . . . yeah all cloudy and stuff? With harps. I've seen those pictures. At Sunday School I think."

Frankie - "Yeah but you don't see nothing but clouds."

Luis - "So - why you wanna go there?"

Frankie - "Use your head, Luis. Think about how much those people would like a bunch of duplexes. Some of them nice duplexes we did out in Sherman Oaks."

Luis - "I don't know Frankie - people seem to like the clouds."

Frankie - "Geez Luis. People lived in caves for thousands of years - didn't mean they like it."

Luis - "Well they look comfy to me - anyway it's not like you have to worry about rain in heaven. Cause you are on top of the clouds."

Frankie - "And I suppose that's the sort of thing them heaven folks enjoy, having their feet get all wet every time it starts to rain."

Luis - (pause) - "You gotta point there."

Frankie - "That's right so I get up there and start building a bunch of duplexes and the sky's the limit."

Luis (thinking) - "You know sometimes you see pillars there."

Frankie - "Pillars"

Luis - "Like columns - like they have down at the courthouse."

Frankie - "Yeah but they aren't holding anything up are they?"

Luis - "I don't know. I don't think so."

Frankie - "That's what you call a triumph of form over function."

Luis - "What?"

Frankie - "It means it looks good but isn't good for anything - it doesn't do anything."

Luis - "Ah. Like Ramone."

Frankie - (laughing) "Yeah. Just like Ramone. But Ramone being useless is Ramone's fault. Them columns is God's fault."

Luis - "Ah you shouldn't be talking about God that way if you want to go to heaven."

Frankie - "I'm straight with people Frankie. I'm gonna be straight with God."

Luis - "Yeah, but you aren't trying to get into heaven with most people."

Frankie - "Hell you think God isn't used to people brown nosing him all day? He's probably sick of it. He'd probably prefer people to be honest with him. Give him some constructive criticism."

Luis - "I don't know if God is really all that into being criticized."

Frankie - "What?"

Luis - "Anyway, what if he don't like this - I mean what if he likes the clouds?"

Frankie - "Oh I'm sure we can work something out. God's very busy making butterflies flap their wings and watching sparrows fall."

Luis - "Watching Sparrows fall?"

Frankie - "Yeah every time a sparrow falls, Gods gotta watch it. It's like he has obsessive compulsive disease."

Luis - "Oh like Joey's kid."

Frankie - "Yeah - but there's a lot of damn sparrows out there - so that keeps him pretty busy I bet. That's why he hasn't remembered he invented the two by four and could build something better than clouds. So I'll remind him."

Luis - "Maybe he won't like being reminded."

Frankie - "You kidding - he'll probably be grateful. He might even make me, like, associate God or something."

Luis - "Associate God Frankie?"

Frankie - "I can very regal when I want to be."

Luis - "Yeah. I guess you got all the angles worked."

Frankie - "Hey you gotta be smart in this business."

Luis - "So you are going to Church to get to heaven so you can make money up there?""

Frankie - "Yep. Well I don't know if they have money up there."

Luis - "Well maybe you could tell God about that too, while you are reminding him about the two by four."

Frankie - "I don't know. I think God knows about money."

Luis - "Yeah?"

Frankie -"Well the Pastor was talking about how Jesus got pissed at the money changers in the temple. I'll bet when he went up to heaven he told God all about money."

Luis - "Tough break for you."

Frankie - "Yeah, particularly since Jesus seemed like he was kind of down on money. Still he did let a tax collector in as one of his disciples."

Luis - "Really?"

Frankie - "Yeah the tax guy was in his office taking money, Jesus walked up and said to follow him and the tax man just went."

Luis - "Maybe he had a tough costumer? When I worked at the DMV last winter, there were times when if the devil himself had walked in I would have gone with him. Stupid customers."

Frankie - "Bite your tongue Frankie. You never know when the Devil might take you up on that. Anyway we gotta get back to work."

Luis - "Come on Frankie, ten more minutes."

Frankie - (Shakes his head) "Nah, now that I'm trying to get on God's good side, I gotta be a stickler! The pastor said that God don't like slackers." (Frankie walks off).

Luis (thinks a moment) "Eh. God's probably watching sparrows anyway."
posted by Bryant @ 4:45 PM  

This website does three things

1. I will on a weekly or bi-weekly basis present comedic sketches I have written. Your mileage may vary.

2. I will also be cooking and reporting on recipes I make from the many cookbooks I have. I will be starting with a book of appetizer recipes and moving up from that. I will be reporting here rather than cooking.

3. I also think I will write the occasional feature on comedy or on things I find funny.

If I can I will also provide a weekend radio station of sorts. We'll have to see how that goes.

The title of this blog comes from a song by Simple Minds called "70 Cities as Love Brings the Fall." It is off of an album called Sons and Fascination. Ironically Sons and Fascination was doubled packed with an album called Sister Feelings Call, and I thought, making this site, that the song was from that album. I was, as it turns out, mistaken. The color scheme for this website is taken from Sister Feelings Call, though, and since I think it's a better scheme I don't plan on changing it.

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Name: Bryant
Home: Nowhereville, Denial, United States
About Me: Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. Well that's not strictly true.
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